Sunday, January 28, 2007

Picture Perfect

I had to have my picture taken for business on Friday. In the best of circumstances I don't like to have my picture taken and the fact that I have gained weight since my transtion into menopause has just added to my discomfort.

Being a coach is probably the only thing that helped me get through it. I was practicing acceptance of where I am now and trusting that the picture would reflect me in a way that others would get a sense of who I am and what I am about.

With that being said I did enjoy all of the experience up until I had to view the photos. It truly was a test of my ability to accept who and what I am right here and right now. I wanted to shudder and look away. I wanted to say "who is that woman" as my insides often do not match the woman reflected back in pictures and in the mirror.

I often feel younger prettier and free when not presented with the reality of the fact that I am a woman fast approaching 50. When I hit 40 I felt that it was not how I had imagined it would be. I feel that 50 will be the same way....as long as I do not obsess with my looks, the weight and my inevitable aging.

Let me know your thoughts and I will keep you posted

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Women and Weight

I just finished watching the Lifetime movie Fat Like Me. I had to tape it to watch later. I know there have been a lot of shows doing similar type scenarios with beautiful thin women putting on fat suits and seeing how they are treated.

I believe the show Ugly Betty had something to do with it and I am happy to see this kind of attention brought to a difficult subject even if it is overkill.
The preoccupation we seem to have as a society with being thin instead of being healthy is a subject that needs to be talked about again and again until we understand the effect it actually has on us all.

I was actually a naturally thin child, you know the kind that could eat anything and and not gain an ounce. That all changed however around the time I got my first period. My weight became a struggle after that with pretty big fluctuations heavy to thin. I even was what would now be termed a borderline anorexic.

All that aside I have worked pretty hard to stay in a healthy range. I will always be a curvier woman, no longer naturally slim but I had kept my weight in a range I was comfortable with for the most part until I actually entered into menopause.

Now it is all out war......but more than anything I want health over weight loss for the sake of being skinny. I will have to admit though I am not exactly as comfortable in my current body as I would like to be.

I would hate to think that I am being judged yet in truth I at times judge myself feeling that I am letting myself down.

Women and weight are complicated subjects and they are part of my journey.....As I progress through midlife I am dealing with being a healthy desirable woman while carrying a bit more weight than I like.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Jumping in Feet First

2007 and I am trying to get myself back into gear. It has been slow going and in someways the holidays through me off course more so then in previous years.
Trying to clear the junk food out of the house has been a challenge and I am almost there.
Getting back into the exercise routine has shown me what a slug I was becoming over the holidays.
I am easing back in but boy I am still sore.
It sure seemed as though I was hustling about throughout the holiday season....isn't that why I was exhausted?
I guess I was fooling myself.
There will be no stepping on the scale for at least a few weeks but my clothes don't seem any tighter so I think I must have been holding my own in the weight department.
I am not making a New Years resolution but I am setting an intention to get in better shape this year than last year and eat even healthier.
Now it's there in black and white...sigh.