My Midlife Safari

Stepping back in

2010-07-24T11:46:00.002-05:00

You know I guess you might not consider me a serious blogger and that is ok. I write when I have things to say. The truth is that in 2008 I began to change life and careers again. With the leaving of my son and a bit of empty nest syndrome I began to take a look at what might be next for me.
I had worked on overcoming my fear of public speaking and now wanted to challenge myself to become a trainer. Traveling the country and speaking to audiences or training 5 days a week has cut down on my need to jump on line and speak though I am going to give it another shot in the coming months.
What I love most about my job is the people I meet so I am going to talk a little about that going forward

Long Time No Speak

2009-09-18T21:50:00.003-05:00

I have to say even I am surprised it has been so long since I have wanted to even
write a blog entry. You know I understood the information age is amazing and
we had all these great tools for social networking and I loved taking advantage of
them all.....until I realized I was spending more time on line with folks I barely knew
and not that much time with the people I did know.

So time for a social networking vacation and that is just what I did. No Facebook
or Twitter. No blogging or newsletters. Just me, my friends, my off line writing and
time to do some growing.

Guess what? I loved it and I actually had time for some education and to start a
new chapter of my life as a trainer.

So have I missed my blog... a little. Am I happy I stepped away for awhile? You bet.

And by the way...I now have 5 grandchildren who provide me more fun and interaction
then anything online ever has.

White Christmas

2007-12-13T22:01:00.001-05:00

Rhea over at the Boomer Chronicles was talking about the movie It's A Wonderful Life. While I sure enjoyed the movie for me it has suffered the fate of anything that is over exposed. I don't watch it anymore.

One of my favorite movies at holiday time growing up was White Christmas. I still like it today. I loved these kinds of old movies and still do. Maybe it was because my dad loved it so much that it meant so much to me or maybe it was because my sister Karen and I loved reenacting the song "sisters"

Either way if you haven't watched it you might want to try....I still shed a tear at the end.

Holiday Inn is also one of my all time favorites!

Managing Holiday Overwhelm

2007-12-05T21:40:00.000-05:00

To express my thoughts on feeling overwhelmed at the holidays I wrote the following:

It’s holiday time again and I wonder if you have started heaping on the expectations of it to be picture perfect? This year it began the day after Halloween. Away went the costumes, the pumpkins and the Halloween candy and out came the candy canes, Christmas trees and the things needed for a wonderful Hanukkah.

Stores began pumping out the holiday carols and shoppers began to get a glazed look in their eyes. The lists come out and the murmuring about having too much to do began. Thanksgiving has barely come and gone and already expectations are running high to create another “perfect” holiday season. The perfect present, the perfect décor and the perfect holiday spread.

Oh and remember none of the everyday obligations have disappeared. In fact with all the parties, errands, shopping, and the school events, an already busy schedule moves into overdrive. The stress and anxiety kicks up a notch and even the most easy going person can feel as though the holidays aren’t all that happy after all.

And dare I say that often at the best of times family gatherings can be a bit testy as we tend to revert to old patterns of relating to parents and siblings? Old hurts get dragged to the forefront and we often bring the past into present even when we are not intending to. In this modern world parents are often dividing up time as to who will have the children when and where during the holiday season.

So what can we do to help create a more peaceful holiday season?

Find out what which things are truly important to you and which things you tend to do because you “feel that you have to do.”

Stop and reflect on the things that you like to do. Which parties to you want to attend? How much entertaining do you really want to do? Do you really have to buy presents for everyone you know even at the risk of compromising your financial situation? Are you falling into the trap of the “Disneyland “ parent, overspending on the children trying to make up for your divorce even though you know it is not the best action to take?

If you can allow yourself to say no to the things you do not want to do, you will immediately free up the energy for the things that you do choose. You can now be present at the events that you enjoy. You will not feel as overwhelmed and you will have acknowledged yourself as being important. When you are not feeling overwhelmed and resentful of all you have to do you can feel grateful for what you love to do.

When you can take care of yourself by excusing yourself from the many activities that fill hours, but you truly do not enjoy you are exercising self care. It is ok to not show up at every little thing or by lots of “stuff “you may not be able to afford in order to fulfill a self imposed obligation. You do not heave to be the better parent by heaping gifts on your children. Try it in small steps at first and see how you feel. You will be most surprised at how good it feels to take care of yourself by letting go of what you don’t want.

Let go of being perfect

While I would never suggest that you lower your standards I am suggesting that you be a little forgiving of yourself. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy the season and the people for that is really what the holiday is about. If a beautiful home is important to you see if you can delegate some of the many duties to others. This may be the time to treat yourself and let someone else clean the house. Or allow yourself to not have to make all the food and holiday treats from scratch. Allowing family members to jump in and help not only gives you some special time but also creates a joint holiday experience. A tree that reflects a bit of all the family members may be much more beautiful than a picture perfect one. And you will all have the time to actually sit around and admire it.

In the end it is gratifying if you can let the holiday be a reflection of what you truly value. If you value perfection than letting go of doing everything may be a challenge for you but you can always give it try. If however time enjoying family is what ranks the highest, by letting go of perfection you may find something far more rewarding. It is like taking a great big sigh and then finding your stress level start to decline.

Stay in the present

Being present is the best way to enjoy time with both your immediate and extended family. Extended family can be everyone from siblings to the aunts, uncles, and in laws you only see once or twice a year. It would seem as though this shouldn’t be a big deal but the holidays seem to bring up old and often current hurts or misunderstandings. Often this is also the time when it is the most difficult dealing with an ex-spouse. As we are continually being fed the holiday messages painting beautiful pictures of perfect families it is not unusual to feel as though you are being cheated in some way.

Life may not always be perfect but it can be still be beautiful even during the sometimes emotional holiday season. The trick is to stop living in the past and come fully to the present. Find something to be grateful for in the here and now. It is a choice to be grateful and we can all find at least one thing that brings us some happiness. We may not have had the best relationship with a family member in the past but how are things right now? Is it possible to just enjoy this time spent with them?

If you happen to be one of the many divorced parents with joint custody try to fully concentrate on the time you have with your children. Create new and meaningful rituals to celebrate your time together instead of focusing on what you will be missing when they are with their other parent.

Can you be in a state of forgiveness, understanding that we are really all on different journeys and are not always all on the same page at the same time? Letting go of the attachments of how we would like people to be allows for some acceptance of the present. Sure it takes practice but if can make a big difference in how you experience the holidays.

Holiday time is always hectic and somewhat stressful. If however we consciously choose the experience we would like and act on that choice, they can be truly happy.

Happy Holidays everyone

Three Dog Night

2007-10-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

Wow ...do I remember loving the band Three Dog Night. Especially Try a Little Tenderness and Easy to be Hard I sat in my older brother's room feeling so cool that he would even let me in and together we would crank up the tunes and sit back and enjoy.

In fact those songs are still in my I pod today and I just have to tune to them and crank up the volume and I am 12 years old again. They were a top band at least at that time and for many years after. Imagine my surprise when I saw they were playing the furniture show in Hight Point, NC.

My family owns a furniture store and we almost always are at market. Unfortunately because of scheduling conflicts we were not attending this year. I would have loved to have seen them and see if I could still get as excited as that 12 year old used to get.

I have to confess, I was a little crushed that for a pretty great band it had come to playing the furniture market. I can't explain it but part of me just couldn't believe that this hot band that I loved was now reduced to playing that venue. Sure I know we all have to make a living but I guess I saw something grander in scale.

The members of Three Dog Night on the whole are a little older but I still see Genesis at bigger venues and Chicago at bigger venues. I have loved both these bands when I saw them.

Maybe it's better I didn't get to see them. I can just turn on my ipod and go back in time without it being spoiled.

To Wear the Flag or Not

2007-10-05T22:00:00.000-05:00

Barak Obama is not wearing a flag lapel pin and it seems to be stirring some controversy. Some people feel that if you want to be the person that is ultimately the Commander in Chief of our country that it is a must have accessory.

Others feel that wearing or not wearing a flag is not what makes you patriotic and still others, particularly political analysts feel that it is a risky move to not wear a flag pin.

I personally fall into the category of those that believe it is not in the wearing or not wearing of a pin that your patriotism is defined....instead it is how you live your life, you ethics and your integrity. I believe that there are many, many other ways to demonstrate your loyalty to a particular country and wearing jewelry does not necessarily need to be one of them.

After 9-11 people became almost confrontational if you were not displaying a flag or flying a flag or wearing a flag.....at least in the part of NJ that I reside. I politely refused to give into what I felt was pressure at that time simply stating that I had been a good citizen and supporter of my country before that date and would continue long after.

Personally I think it is great that Obama wants to create a different kind of conversation of what makes someone patriotic.

Great Information for all us midlifers

2007-09-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

I found a great blog today thanks to Rhea over at Boomer Chronicles. If you have a chance i day stop on over and check it out. You won't be disappointed.

For a bit of a makeup hound like me it was an eyeopener to read about the amount of makeup they believe we actually absorb into our bodies. Also if you want to look well, eat well, live well etc. head on over to the Wastrel Show and check it out.

Have fun...

No More Excuses

2007-09-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

I went to the doctor the other day for the ever popular yearly "woman's" checkup. The once over is what I call. Don't get me wrong I really love my Doctor and I think he does a great job. I tend to always prefer the alternative route if possible meaning my last course of action is prescription drugs and he is always there walking right beside me.

He did the once over and we talked about some things... primarily my sluggish thyroid and came to a decision that we will finally give a course of thyroid replacement a try.

Everything else seems fine and he sent me on my way with a promise that I would get a mammogram soon. I will admit that I have been pretty lax about the regularity in which I obtain one. This month I vow to follow through.

I have never made a conscious choice to not get a mammogram. I just became one of the many who became to busy. Maybe because it was one more thing that had to be scheduled into a pretty hectic life. I have been relying on the monthly self-exams to
cover the bases. I would prefer to get a thermogram but no one offers it in my area.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is fast approaching and as I give daily thanks for my friends who have survived a battle with breast cancer I understand that it is time to step up and start exercising some self-care... meaning getting the exam with no more excuses. So that is my commitment. By the end of October I will have had a mammogram and a bone scan as well.

For any other woman who has been putting it off I invite you to join me.

When Mom and Dad Divorce

2007-09-11T14:29:00.000-05:00

It feels so weird to be 50 years old and still have my parents going through divorce. They have been into it now for 7 years. I received my own divorce and have been remarried for 5 years. Both my sisters got divorced during the time frame and yet nothing has left more of mark on all of us than watching this drag on.

I spent the morning at the attorney's office with my Mom figuring out a strategy to help her get by until there is a resolution ....which does not seem to be forthcoming anytime soon.

You know all the crazinness comes out when it is your parents. You still take sides even if you don't want to. Dad pretty much shut us all out when this started and picked his health care provider over the family. His health is deteriorating which makes this whole thing even harder. He won't let us into see him and it is hard to converse on the phone.

They are both in their mid seventies and the hurt feelings have been built up over 45 years. I feel like I am a parent to my Mom through this and yet part of me wishes it would all go away and I could just be their daughter.

I guess I believed it would not happen to them and seeing drag on is like a bandaid being slowly ripped off a wound. Not too pretty.

Back to School

2007-09-05T16:02:00.000-05:00

Well the kids are going back to school and boy I feel as though I am going back to school a well. I really feel as though I have been off this summer though in reality I have been working hard. I guess it has been offline so to speak.

I really feel some of the nervous anticipation trying to get back into the blogging and getting reconnected with everyone online. I have missed a lot of what has been happening simply because I have not had a great deal of computer access the last two months. It has been pretty strange but in some ways quite restful

One of the best things that happened this summer was to start a local chapter of Powerful You! Network for women. I have met so many women from my area that I did not know existed. I have enjoyed the energy of the groups and making connections both business and personal. I have also been busy with the radio show and starting a small mastermind group.

Mix that with a all the mundane stuff like work and the summer has gone faster than any summer.....except maybe when I actually was a kid.

Oh and last but not least....I hit the big 50 this summer. Still haven't figured out how I feel about it but it doesn't matter.....it isn't going to change....right???

Half Hearted Watcher of Talent Shows

2007-08-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

I don't know what is happening to me. Maybe this is my midlife crisis. I am one of those people who have never watched American Idol. The whole talent show thing didn't interest me. Then came Dancing with the Stars. It was good. I loved dancing and watching it and it kept me interested.....as long as I didn't have something else better to do.

Last summer I became infatuated with So You Think You Can Dance. I loved it. I got everyone I know interested and they loved it. Then as the pattern goes....I couldn't tie myself down to committing to a show. Sure taping it was always an option but I had to remember to put int the tape.

Then came 2007 and into my life ....DVR. It became so easy to keep up with the shows. My husband became obsessed with taping Dancing with the Stars and making sure I watched it each week. Well then it became a chore. I could barely hang on until the end.

This summer came So You Think You can Dance again. What did I do? I entered a pool. Now it really was a chore to try to keep up with all the episodes and I am two weeks behind. I'm just winging it at this point.....though I am keeping my head above water.

So tonight as I watch this I figured it out......just watch the last episode. Tonight it is the last episode of Americas got Talent. I am watching and having fun...no pressure.

Glad I got that one figured out! Oh I am voting for the ventriloquist.

E-Mail Bankruptcy

2007-08-04T17:02:00.000-05:00

I read an interesting article a few weeks back when I was in Massachusetts visiting Mom. Actually I was there for one of the big birthdays.....50 years old. It's hard to believe but that is for another time.

Any way this article was written by someone who was declaring e-mail bankruptcy. He was done...throwing in the towel and no longer going to attempt to dig out from the mountain of e-mail in his inbox.

He had made some preparations. He had e-mailed the people he wanted to still hear from and let them know his plans. He also advised them to resend anything they felt was vitally important because he was going to check all and them push delete.

After relishing the the peace and contentment of an empty inbox for probably a few minutes ( at least if his inbox is anything like mine) he would then attempt to use e-mail as a viable form of communication once again.

As for me I cheered silently as I read the piece. I have felt for sometime that I was drowning in e-mail and after being away from my computer for a few weeks I am sometimes feeling hopeless about ever really reading all the e-mails I have.

The thought of pushing a button and starting fresh feels pretty tempting right now...I just have to get up the nerve and keep reminding myself that I have made it this far without reading all those messages just sitting there waiting patiently.

I think it will be OK.....right?

Getting Back on Track

2007-07-19T18:55:00.000-05:00

Wow the past month has sped by and most of it has been lived without regular access to a computer. My husband was thrilled about it until he lost our e-tickets and needed to find an Internet cafe in Paris to try to retrieve copies of them.

Alright....the truth is he finally had to ask me to do it for him.

After the stress of living in passport hell I must say that Congressman Mike Ferguson's office came through and got them for us on the last day. I was doing a two day training seminar before I got on the plane and I can probably count on one hand the number of hours I was sleeping each night before taking off.

When we finally arrived in Germany I had been up for about 38 hours straight.......I get cranky when I don't have enough sleep but I must admit I surprised myself and held it together.

I thank everyone for their support and will get some wedding pictures up soon.

Passport Hell

2007-06-15T19:14:00.000-05:00

I am one of the many who are biting their fingernails and praying for their passport to arrive on time. I applied for my passport just when thing began to get hairy and the floodgates opened with the applications pouring in from people trying to get a passport to travel to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean.

At the time I offered to pay the additional amount of money to have my passport expedited. I was assured that this was absolutely not necessary. I had more then ample time to receive my passport. So did my daughter as well as my step son and daughter in law.

With our travel dates closely approaching we began calling the passport office as we were traveling in the next 14 days so apparently they would allow us to talk to the customer service reps. I do use that term lightly. Not because they didn't want to be helpful.....they just had no information they could give us.

The best suggestion they had was to try to make an appointment at the regional offices located in Boston, Norwalk, Washington D.C., Philly and NYC. Impossible.... there were no appointments available never mind it was going to be hard to take extra time off from work to travel to these destinations when I am already taking time off for the trip. These agents, whom I am sure are getting used to dishing out a somewhat bleak picture regarding actually getting your passport on time, told us just that. It probably was not going to happen.

I confess that with my step-son getting married and then going back for his second tour to Iraq, I wasn't much in the mood to hear that news and so I did reach out to my State Representatives and Senators.

They have actually been very responsive and are trying to help. My step son and his wife who live in Florida and were also working with their local congressman received their passports today....they leave Monday. I have been told I will be receiving my passport tomorrow as will my daughter. I will not completely relax until I have it in my hands.

They have relaxed the rules a bit allowing for those traveling to Mexico, Canada and the Caribbean to print out a confirmation stating they are in the application process. That and picture ID will get you on your flight.

As I am going to Europe I have to have the real deal. The conversations I have had with the myriad CSRs as well as the information I have been getting has really done nothing more than create a sense of frustration. I was advised more often than not that they really couldn't tell me where I was in the process. Not that they didn't know, they just were not allowed to tell.

So for today I keep holding the picture of me sitting on the plane, passport in hand on my way to London. Quite exciting as I have never travelled anywhere as yet that required me having a passport.

What women want

2007-06-09T22:10:00.000-05:00

I logged onto yahoo today and there was an article written by a mens coach advising us about what women want. Honestly I was pretty put off by the 10 things he thought men needed to know about women and I am a coach.

I do think he was good with his advice on how to make your self attractive to a woman and how to repulse a woman (if you are a man). I guess that is what surprised me. I won't say he was completely off the mark with his 10 secrets we need to know but I think he made the bulk of women seem .....well dumb and not having much depth.

This is just my opinion. But I think a woman wants a man who is real. I don't "need" to be surprised once a month and yet I do like surprises. I stopped believing in the fairytale a long time ago and concentrate on the real world full of real men. I have liked and loved a few men and have not spent all day trying to look good for any of them. I have other things that I have to get done. Do I try to look good.....yeah. But the game playing stopped awhile ago and that is when the real relationships began.

Kids and Germs

2007-06-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

This is one of the things I deep forgetting now that my children are grown and gone.....kids carry germs.

Case in point. I have been down with a rotten cold for about a week now. In fact last Friday was when I last spent time with my infant niece, Poppy. When I first saw her Wednesday my sister in law said she had been running a fever and had a cold. I thought too bad little girl and held her and cuddled her.

Repeat performance the next night. I don't get home to often and so I tend to get a little overly demonstrative when I see her.

Friday night I babysit for her. She is doing better and I am still not thinking that her cold is related to me in any way.

Oh but then Sunday comes and I am feeling miserable. It is so hard when I get reminded that I am not invincible.

But boy she is cute and with this this cold... I am not.

Memorial Day

2007-05-27T20:51:00.000-05:00

To watch the Memorial Day concert on PBS this evening was pretty powerful. I am not a believer in the war personally and I will leave it at that. I think everyone has a right to their own opinion when it comes to the subject of war.

For my step-son who is a captain in the army stationed in Germany and waiting to be deployed to Iraq again I have nothing but respect and gratitude. Why? Because he walks his talk. He believes in what he is doing and he acts on that belief. I admire that.

I have seen what this war has done to him, how he has changed and yet he believes in what he is doing. I honor that in him and still most respectfully disagree in the concept of war.

But for all those who do serve I give you my respect and support. For the families of those who are serving and for those who have lost loved ones in the service of this country I send you my prayers, for your loved ones and for the end of all war.

Mothers Day

2007-05-13T10:11:00.000-05:00

Well here it is Mother's day again and as with any day of significance that only arrives once a year it serves to highlight some of the changes that have occurred.

For me I only have my step-daughter in the area these days and thankfully she has two little one so that it helps me forget that I have my son living in Florida and my daughter living in Massachusetts.

My work schedule did not allow me to travel to Massachusetts this year so I will not be able to join with my sisters, sisters in law and Mom for Mother's Day this year.

Life changes and though I may not always like the changes it is important to honor the fact that I am here to witness it as it goes by.

I wish all of you who are Moms a wonderful day.

I wish all of you have have lost your Mom a moment to reflect on some of the wonderful memories that relationship must have brought into your life.

I wish all of you trying to become Moms a big virtual hug and hope that it will happen soon.

As for me I am off to work today with the knowledge that I have done my best over the years to be a pretty good Mom

Mom and Her Investments

2007-04-26T16:06:00.000-05:00

I was visiting my Mom in Massachusetts a few weeks ago and she is still a little unsure of herself when it comes to her investments. She has been living on her own for about 7 years now and thankfully she now has someone we trust to manage her portfolio. I didn't fully realize that until I was helping her go through some paperwork and she showed me several investments she had made before turning things over to " Bill" the financial planner.

To picture my Mom, think of a little old Irish Nana...because that is what she is. She is from an era when you trusted professionals just because they were a professional. That meant that if you were a lawyer you were a good lawyer, or good doctor or a good banker. My Mother in law is exactly the same way and God forbid we should suggest to either of them that they may be a little misguided in this regard.

One of the questionable investments they signed my Mom up for was a whole life insurance policy for $10,000.00 to cover her burial expenses. She didn't want any of us to have to worry about it. That was where she became vulnerable and trusted the insurance agent to tell her what to do.

First off my Mom didn't need it. Second of all the premiums are payable for 20 years totaling almost $20,000. Third it is not a great savings vehicle. Only about 3.5 percent after the first year. That was listed at 5.25 percent. After asking a few questions (and mind you I am no expert at any investments myself) it became clear that she did not understand exactly what she was signing up for nor did she know that it was not really right for her circumstances.

What was her response? Well they were very nice and they said it would be the right one for me. For a moment I wanted to get on the phone and call the agent who wrote the policy....I still may but at the time it would have embarrassed my Mom. So, I settled for gently asking her to not make any more decisions of this sort without first talking to Bill and then also talking to myself or one of my other siblings.

I know that as gently as I put it she felt chastised and then asked if she could get out of the policy. I am working on it.

I love my Mom and I get angry when I see people take advantage of her. I guess I have to step up a little more often and have some of the money conversations with her. None of my siblings had any idea she had done this either.

My understanding is that whole life insurance is often not the right type for many people and not quite the investment vehicle an agent may make it out to be.

Little Girls

2007-04-20T19:55:00.000-05:00

I love my two grand daughters. It is so much fun buying their clothes for them and shoes. I love little shoes for little girls. Oh yeah... I love shoes for big girls too.

My husband has started monitoring me and the shoes I bring home. It really is ridiculous because in the end I wear about four pair over and over. I feel like a guilty and at the same time defiant teenager as he tells me no more shoes until I thin out the existing herd.

I have now resorted into smuggling them in.

I am just drawn to the promise these shoes seem to offer. They are cute and sexy or promise to make me taller than I am which translates to I will look slimmer.... I know it's weird women logic. I was at a fashion show the other night and we were all ooohhing and aahhing over the shoes the models were wearing.

Here the truth...after about four minutes I would be exchanging them for one of my four favorite pairs.

I can still look though...

Saying goodbye

2007-04-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

I was off and traveling again this week. I had planned a quick trip to Massachusetts to see my Mother. Unfortunately my sister in law's Dad died just a a couple of days before my trip. We all knew he was ill and that it didn't look good and yet you always hold out hope...or at least I do.

Tim was a great guy and not all that much older than I relatively speaking. He loved his family and his golf. He had a great smile and a warm and easy way. I think in someways he was the father my brother wished he had been able to have.... and in a way he was.

I still have both my parents and I try not to dwell too much on what my life will be like without them. We all know it is an inevitable reality. I do know that I will have many people to help me through when it does happen as I witnessed this week with how we all wanted to be there for Elizabeth and Kevin. For now I am going to try to appreciate what I have an realize that no...it doesn't last forever

Easter in Midlife

2007-04-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

First and foremost...for all of you who celebrate, Happy Easter. It is often chilly at Easter but today there was definitely snow in the air along with winds and cold. Some other differences this year:

1. I usually have Easter at my house....this year none of the kids who live out of state could make it home and my step-daughter had plans with her grandparents and Mom.
My husband and I went over in the afternoon to play with the grand kids.

2. Dinner is usually for 5 -9 people...today just my husband and myself.

3. Usually the flowers are starting to bloom.....this year it is still winter.

4. Life is changing again...it's going to take some getting used to.

Tax Season

2007-04-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

Well it's almost tax day....we get a few extra days this year but not enough to make a big difference if you are one of the folks who waits until the last minute. As for my husband he likes to get things going the beginning of February. That is because he needs to figure if he can afford his golf trips to Florida.
This is the first year in 32 that we have had no children to declare....the last one left the house last summer and has been supporting himself.
Pretty much it was down in black and white for all the world to see including the IRS. No more kids at home....we are empty nesters. And we have to work a little harder to keep as much of our money for us and not give it to the government.

Being Part of the Sandwich Generation

2007-03-30T21:16:00.000-05:00

You know I had heard about the sandwich generation and I guess one day I would be part of it but as always I think I have more time. Nope....I guess I am a sandwich boomer or a boomer sandwich....either way I am taking care of my in-laws and soon my own parents just when I thought I was finally free from some of the responsibility in my life.

A week of vacation in Florida...to my husband it is great because we are visiting his Mother who still thinks every man should be waited on hand and foot....no offense guys. As for me it only takes about half an hour and she is giving me the list of what she wants to get done while we are there and how the phone bill is a mess and she has been waiting for me to get it straightened out.

I feel guilty as I head to the pool because she wanted someone to talk to. I start nagging my husband to help me get the to do list taken care of....ooh I hate when I do that and guess what?..... so does he.

And then wonder of wonders he says that next winter he wants us to spend 20 days of each month in Florida with Mom....."won't that be great?" I cringe inside...not because I don't love her but I guess I thought I would have few years between the kids all being gone and then taking care of the parents.

In days gone by you may have had all the family members living together and it would seem the most natural thing to all be under one roof .....but this is today and I must have missed hearing that this is how it would all unfold.

On a positive note..it is Florida and I am not a cold weather person.....and for right now my stepson and his wife and daughter live there as well. I can elder sit and babysit at the same time.

Spring Cleaning

2007-03-19T11:42:00.000-05:00

Even though there is still 6 inches of ice and snow outside the door I am determined to think spring! This time last week it was 70 degrees out and sunny and then we got hit with the storm on Friday. It made for a bit of a complicated weekend. My step kids and business partners at our store ended up stranded in Florida. My husband was laid up in bed with a 102 degree fever( that ugly stomach bug that has been around).

So I was left to shovel snow and man the store. It would be so noble to say I handled it all without a thought but I would be lying. I did however survive the weekend though I did not do much to honor my Irish roots. I talking to my daughter I confessed that I was indeed not wearing green, but black and gray. Perhaps I was subconsciously mourning or maybe I was just dressing to look slimmer.....who knows?

St. Patty's day was spent at the store and in front of my computer listening for the feeble calls of my husband to get him water.....I know a bit dramatic....I did manage to get some writing done and for that I was pleased.

So onto today. The weather has got to give and so do I. I have been in hording mode all winter. "You never know what your facing" is what my Mother In Law loves to say. Well I'm facing a lot of useless stuff and it has got to go. Time to lighten up!

Though as I look around it may take a week or two. If I look on the bright side however I may find some of the things that have been among the missing the last few months.

I am a Baby Boomer

2007-03-15T21:52:00.000-05:00

I am a Baby Boomer. Sometimes I don't quite believe it for I still feel like an 18 year old. However anyway you slice it I am going to turn 50 this year. That puts me in the range of birth years that determines if you are a "boomer".

I found myself arguing with my son about it the other day. He kept insisting I wasn't a boomer and when presented with the evidence he turned to me and said "wow you're old"!

Old or not I can still be beautiful and that brings me to why I felt moved to write today. Age does not determine beauty....or intelligence or accomplishment or man other things. that however is for another day.
Today I wanted to share a site I was on presented by Dove. They have a great pro-age commercial on it and the mixed reactions to it. They also have another film you should check out as well.

I would love to know your reactions.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com

Don't Die With Your Music Still In You

2007-03-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

If you came of age in the mid seventies as I did it is likely that you remember the band Boston. They were an incredible rock band and their music is as good today as it was then..at least to a die hard fan like me.

When the band really took off I was living in Boston during my especially wild child days. I still smile or perhaps it is a grimace when I think of those days. Boy did we love our music, in fact you might say we lived for it. I know the "right" thing to say might be that I lived for my college friends or my education but for me it was all about the music. Our lives truly revolved around it and our favorite bands.

Well I just read that the lead singer of the band Brad Delp died, though they are not sure why and I can't help but feel a little sad and you know what a little more mortal. He was younger than my husband and only about 5or 6 years older than I am. Because really deep down inside of me I am still that rock and roll girl. I guess a part of me always will be. I can't help but be sad when anyone I felt somewhat intimate with even if only from a distance passes.

Music is such a binding force and I still listen to Boston. I am sorry that Brad is gone and yet it only motivates me even more to not waste another precious moment. Wayne Dyer, who I greatly admire, is fond of reminding us all don't die with your music still in you. They are great words to live by and I find that as I let my music out into the world (figuratively of course) I find that there are more and more songs waiting to be written.

I am grateful to have lived at a time when the band Boston could have an impact on my life. So how about you....is you music still stuck inside of you? If it is take notice.

I'm Back

2007-03-01T23:13:00.001-05:00

Wow it's been a while since I checked in and said hello. I am doing a lot of research lately into all the changes we go through at midlife. Granted I have been through most of them......but I do want to give value in my coaching and so information gathering is crucial.

I am always open to what might be your biggest challenges in midlife. Many of you e-mail me directly and that is great. Feel free to post here so others can see and share.

Today...my biggest challenge.....is how sore I feel after working out. I try hard not to give in to it. I work at maintaining my strength and flexibility but boy oh boy today I hurt.

This may mean that I am getting older but this gal is not going down without a fight.

I'm Back

2007-03-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

The Events that Unite People

2007-02-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

I was at a concert last night...two groups that people my age will undoubtedly remember, BJ Thomas and Gary Puckett. Everyone in the audience was around my age though I will happily admit that I was on the younger side of the crowd.

It was absolutely freezing last night and with all the snow on the ground there was no parking near the theatre. We parked more then a few block away and though I wanted to walk the other three people I was at the concert with wanted to wait in the cold for the trolley. After about one minute I decided to walk to the theatre and meet them there.

I had plenty of people to walk with and we were a cheerful bunch. After arriving at the theatre I was waiting in the lobby for my group. Every person walking through the lobby door met me with a huge smile.....we were united by not only a common love of music ,but by sharing the experience of a freezing cold winter night. I was warmed deep inside as I found myself foolishly grinning back at all those I met.

Oh us crazy old people...we spent two and one half hours singing to some old favorites and then piled back out into the cold chatting the whole way back to the car.

Something so simple united a group of people....shouldn't it be easy to find our common ground on other levels as well???

Back to Work

2007-02-15T22:39:00.000-05:00

Having spent the week in Miami FL on both business and pleasure I find myself back at work and shivering in the cold of New Jersey. I truly enjoyed spending balmy evenings looking at the boats in the harbor after a hard day at work. I was a bit apprehensive as I headed down for the business conference. I would be sharing my hotel room with 2 other women who 4 weeks ago I had no idea existed.

What would they be like? Would we all get along or would I be miserable and wishing I had spent the extra money for a private room? I determined that I would keep an open mind and hope that I would like them both. And guess what? That is exactly how it worked out. They were both wonderful and we enjoyed getting to know each other. One woman was from Texas and one from Connecticut. We had lots in common and at the end of the weekend I was so happy to have taken a chance on sharing a room with two strangers.

The conference was a combination of rock concert and business meeting. By the time it ended my brain was so full I could not have absorbed another scrap of information. It was just the right time to head up to Boca Raton and visit with my son ( my baby). Boy I miss him. It was great to jump out of the car and crush him in a huge hug. We spent the next few days catching up and talking about everything under the sun. I actually held it together as I said goodbye and did not shed a tear until just before my plane landed back in New Jersey.

Wow what a week. I am back to my coaching, writing and promoting 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life.

Here Is The Link

2007-02-06T23:32:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone,
The Book 101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life Volume 3 is officially launched. If you follow the link not only can you buy the book but you will have access to some incredible bonuses.
http:www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1800882
Here's to having the best life possible.

I Am Learning What I Can Do

2007-02-05T14:13:00.000-05:00

There are so many times in my life that I took the easy way out. I gave myself an excuse to get out of stretching beyond my comfort zone. If it seemed risky or hard or scary I simply told myself " I can't do that."

It got me out of doing a lot of new things. It kept me stuck and honestly a bit angry with myself. You see way down deep inside I secretly believed I had the ability to achieve a lot of things and to give back to this world in a much bigger way. Guess what I was afraid, so I just took a pass and gave up.

Well no more. Midlife has truly awakened me and alleviated much of my fear. I am not going to get any younger and I am not going to keep taking a pass on life because I am afraid. How about you?

To that end I submitted an article to an upcoming collaborative book project and it was accepted. So tomorrow the third volume of 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life is going to be launched with my article in it.

One small step for Maureen.....It was a little scary but I pushed that aside and got on with the business of living in a bigger way.

Picture Perfect

2007-01-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

I had to have my picture taken for business on Friday. In the best of circumstances I don't like to have my picture taken and the fact that I have gained weight since my transtion into menopause has just added to my discomfort.

Being a coach is probably the only thing that helped me get through it. I was practicing acceptance of where I am now and trusting that the picture would reflect me in a way that others would get a sense of who I am and what I am about.

With that being said I did enjoy all of the experience up until I had to view the photos. It truly was a test of my ability to accept who and what I am right here and right now. I wanted to shudder and look away. I wanted to say "who is that woman" as my insides often do not match the woman reflected back in pictures and in the mirror.

I often feel younger prettier and free when not presented with the reality of the fact that I am a woman fast approaching 50. When I hit 40 I felt that it was not how I had imagined it would be. I feel that 50 will be the same way....as long as I do not obsess with my looks, the weight and my inevitable aging.

Let me know your thoughts and I will keep you posted

Women and Weight

2007-01-18T23:55:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching the Lifetime movie Fat Like Me. I had to tape it to watch later. I know there have been a lot of shows doing similar type scenarios with beautiful thin women putting on fat suits and seeing how they are treated.

I believe the show Ugly Betty had something to do with it and I am happy to see this kind of attention brought to a difficult subject even if it is overkill.
The preoccupation we seem to have as a society with being thin instead of being healthy is a subject that needs to be talked about again and again until we understand the effect it actually has on us all.

I was actually a naturally thin child, you know the kind that could eat anything and and not gain an ounce. That all changed however around the time I got my first period. My weight became a struggle after that with pretty big fluctuations heavy to thin. I even was what would now be termed a borderline anorexic.

All that aside I have worked pretty hard to stay in a healthy range. I will always be a curvier woman, no longer naturally slim but I had kept my weight in a range I was comfortable with for the most part until I actually entered into menopause.

Now it is all out war......but more than anything I want health over weight loss for the sake of being skinny. I will have to admit though I am not exactly as comfortable in my current body as I would like to be.

I would hate to think that I am being judged yet in truth I at times judge myself feeling that I am letting myself down.

Women and weight are complicated subjects and they are part of my journey.....As I progress through midlife I am dealing with being a healthy desirable woman while carrying a bit more weight than I like.

Jumping in Feet First

2007-01-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

2007 and I am trying to get myself back into gear. It has been slow going and in someways the holidays through me off course more so then in previous years.
Trying to clear the junk food out of the house has been a challenge and I am almost there.
Getting back into the exercise routine has shown me what a slug I was becoming over the holidays.
I am easing back in but boy I am still sore.
It sure seemed as though I was hustling about throughout the holiday season....isn't that why I was exhausted?
I guess I was fooling myself.
There will be no stepping on the scale for at least a few weeks but my clothes don't seem any tighter so I think I must have been holding my own in the weight department.
I am not making a New Years resolution but I am setting an intention to get in better shape this year than last year and eat even healthier.
Now it's there in black and white...sigh.

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T22:04:00.000-05:00

Wow this holiday season creeped up and attacked me. I can hardly believe it is New Year's eve. The past month has been a whirlwind of friends family fun and food. I think I have been holding my own it the war against additional weight but I am not willing to risk a setback by stepping on the scale. Yet.
I do feel that the last two weeks has served as a form of aversion therapy....I'm done. I have eaten all I want to. I have shopped until I dropped. I have held my tongue in check while staving off exhaustion.
I think everyone enjoyed not only their gifts but each others company and Christmas Eve services were very special with not only my former husband and his family in attendance as well as my husband's first wife. my stepson was home fr the first time since finishing his tour in Iraq. I was so happy to see his face and to have a little time to get to know his girlfriend.
So here I am ...on New Year's Eve ....at home...in my pajamas and happy for a little peace and quiet.
I wish you all a Happy New Year....here's to 2007

Low Glycemic Eating

2006-11-29T21:17:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to stave off the inevitable holiday weight gain I have embarked on a program of low glycemic eating. Yes it is somewhat boring but that may be because i need to weight for my taste buds to adjust.

I am not a woman who naturally discards sweets...in fact I LOVE them. I might even go so far as to say that I crave them. That is why drastic measures are called for. The warm weather held a little longer than usual this year. What that meant in my world was that I did not drag out the winter clothes until this week. I looked longingly at the skirts and pants and even jackets that I want to slip into again like the familiar skin they had become.......that was before menopause.

I the last three years I have dragged around an extra twenty pounds that truth be told I am not that fond of. I can embrace my aging wisdom and grace. I can get with the thought that no longer have to prove myself....What I can't seem to let go of is this dissatisfaction in having to drag around the extra weight.

I lift weights I work out (though increasing the aerobics is part of the program) and now I am cutting out the bad carbs in lieu of whole grains, beans and lentils. I am cutting out the sugar gradually and readjusting my taste buds. I have found something called agave that is a natural sweetener that has minimal impact on blood sugar. I am trying to cut down on that as well so that my taste buds get used to not having much of a sweet taste.

I will say that I miss the great apple pie from Thanksgiving but I am determined that some of this weight has got to go.

Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell

2006-11-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

The female fat cell and how to out smart it is my project for the next few months. Midlfe brought with it an unexpected struggle with weight. I have always been more on the curvy side and yes I have indeed been one of those women that all I had to do is look at anything fattening and it immediately applied itself to the most unsightly parts of my body.
I always resented it especially since I have been surrounded with very thin women friends for most of my life. ( idon't resent my friends mind you...just that weight seems to glue itself to my body).
That being said, if I put my mind to it...... I have always been successful in losing weight. That is until menopause visited itself upon me. Who knew? Yes I had heard rumors that weight gain was often associated with menopause but I am somewhat embarrassed to admit I thought I would be different.
Now in my own defense the only information I had to fall back on was the evidence that I had lost weight in the past when I put my mind to it.
Well the last couple of years have been a challenge I have yet to overcome. Those extra pounds they reference when "they" speak about menopause seem as determined to stay as I am to get rid of them.
I am using a lot of self coaching and am determined to out smart the damn fat cells.
Please wish me luck.

2006-11-19T20:52:00.000-05:00

Acting Our Age

2006-11-12T22:59:00.000-05:00

You know this is neither a rant or a jusgement...o.k. maybe a little of a judgement. Mostly it is an observation.

I do not watch much TV. Occasionally though I love to watch some junk TV. I think of it as an ice cream sundae for my eyes and ears. it doesn't offer much value but occasionally it is so so sweet and delicious.

The other night it was Dr.90210. The reality show about plastic surgery. I so think I have a morbid fascination of the before and after and I do think that Dr. Rey is too much in touch with his feminine side even though he is the one to go to if you want your breasts enlarged.

There was a young woman on the show...seeing Dr. Rey for breast enhancement.
She was really quite lovely and dressed according to today's trends but not overboard in my humble opinion.

This is what I found curious...her Mother who was at least 25 years older than her daughter and at least 30 pounds heavier was dressed the same way. And you know what? It didn't look to good. I am all for looking good and I certainly like to follow the trends and adapt them to my 40 plus age range. I too have a 25 year old ...but I don't want to dress like her.
Why? Because I can't pull it off.
There is no reason not to dress appropriately for your age...but still insist on looking gorgeous and sexy but not trashy or desperate.

I wanted to do an immediate mid-life makeover on this woman.
But we all know you can't change anyone. You can just be ready to lend a hand if they want to change

The Worlds Greatest Roller Coaster

2006-11-06T15:50:00.000-05:00

Boy oh boy I wish I was talking about some incredible amusement park with the biggest scariest roller coaster around....that would be fun wouldn't it??
Uness you happen to be afraid of heights as I am (oh well there is still time for me to get on one of those huge suckers)

No I am actually talking about peri-menopause ....the 5 to 10 years or more when our body starts preparing to no longer make babies.
I am a member of an online discussion group where we can share our symptoms and how we deal with them.

This is advice from the trenches not delivered from a doctor in a white coat talking in the abstract or worse yet dismissing our symptoms because they may not fall into the everyday category.

Yes there are plenty of reports of hot flashes and interrupted sleep. Of moodiness and depression. Of aches and pains of all sorts....not to forget our actual periods or lack there of.
They come and go and come back again after months of nothing and this whole rollercoaster of symptoms can start anywhere from mid thirties to mid fifties.

That is a wide range.

Of course there is no class we take or special seminar that prepares us...sure we know it is coming....but when???

Right now I suggest that we read as much as we can or participate in these types of groups.
Until we actually know what is happening and with the symptoms being somewhat vague and unique it is nice to have some info so we don't jump to the conclusion that we are dying from some mysterious illness.

Even Oprah was confused. Why should we be any different?

How Grocery Shopping has Changed

2006-11-02T16:11:00.000-05:00

I was cleaning out the refrigerator yesterday, and I must add throwing a lot of good food away because it had spoiled. I have been shopping for a lot of years and it has been at the minimum for a family of four, one of them being an active teenage boy.

Now there is only my husband and myself. My daughter left for Massachusetts several years ago and I am not expecting her back any time in the near future. With my son in Florida that leaves only my husband and myself. I am sorry to say that we are starting to fall into the trap of just nibbling and not eating. It seems like a lot of work some nights to cook a complete dinner. I am often out working 3 or more nights each week and dinner time has become a rushed affair.

This is not ideal, but given the way life is right now and the fact that we seem to be joining in the battle of the bulge it appears not to be changing anytime soon.
So I must adapt and retrain my shopping brain so that I am not throwing away good food.

I also can no longer use my son as the excuse as to why I have candy and ice cream and cookies in the house. I have to own it.... Ugh!

All the Kids Are Gone

2006-10-30T23:19:00.000-05:00

My 19 year old son left for Florida yesterday to live which finally made it official. I am now an empty nester.

It looks funny as I peek into his room. There are not piles of clothes on the floor waiting for the laundry. No more standoff.....was he finally going to bring them up to the laundry room or was I finally under duress or because I couldn't take asking him to do it one more time going to scoop them up myself. I know in my heart that I shouldn't give in but sometimes when you are the youngest, people cut you a little more slack.

Isn't it funny the things you start to miss? He took the electric guitar and amp as well and I notice how quiet the house has become.

I am trying not to keep the TV or radio on....I have to get accustomed to the quiet. I am trying to give him his space and not call. It's important that he call first, at least in my mind. That way he can feel as though his Mommy is not checking up on him.

This will be a great exercise in impulse control....I'm not sure how I am going to fare.